Get Ready to Rub One Down: The 411 on Female Masturbation

Some studies estimate that, in any given year, nearly 60% of women don’t masturbate. I can’t imagine a life without masturbation. I’ve masturbated as long as I can remember, at least starting in my early teens.

I read my first romance novel when I was in sixth grade. I would stay up late, reading with a flashlight. A few years later, I would sneak PlayGirl magazines and read the stories. I would get wet, touch myself, but hadn’t really realized there was more.

Then one day I read a story where a girl straddled a window while fingering herself (she was showing off for her sexy neighbor) and so I took my magazine from my bed, went to the bathroom, and straddled the side of tub.

And it rocked my world.

For the next decade or so, that was the only way I masturbated.

Then, in my early 20s, I was sharing a single-bathroom house with four other people and using the bathroom for masturbation was no longer an option. I then went on a mission to learn how to masturbate all over again. It took awhile, but I finally able to get myself off without having to use a vibrator and without having to “ride” something.

In my years writing about sex, I’ve come to realize that I wasn’t alone. Many women aren’t sure how to masturbate. They find one way that works for them and then they stick to that same routine, sometimes for years. While that’s all fine and good, I thought I’d offer a helpful hand on how to get down dirty on the solo.

Start Off Right

If you’re trying something new, it helps to set the mood. Relax. Take a bath. Lotion yourself up. Make yourself feel sexy. Have a little wine. Obviously, you don’t need to do these things every time you masturbate, but once in a while, slow down and seduce yourself.

Take some time and build a fantasy. Think about a really hot sex session you’ve had or one that you’d like to. If you prefer, read a sexy story or put in a porn that will turn you on.

I masturbate to porn frequently. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I like it.

When you’re ready, touch yourself. If you are new to masturbating, start slow, creating sensations in different places and in different ways. Tug on your nipples, rub your inner thighs.

Remember, it’s not just your clit and vagina. I like to touch the outside of my pussy, cup my vulva, play with my outer labia, pull on them ever so slightly. Play with your nipples. Do whatever it is that makes you feel good.

If you’re still struggling, try it in the tub. Many women like to masturbate in the bath as it helps you relax and, let’s face it, bodies always feel sexy when they’re wet. An old roommate taught me a bathtub technique once.

She would lay on her back with her feet up on the shower wall, with her pussy positioned under the faucet. She would get the water just right so that it was hitting her clit over and over again. She said it could make her orgasm quicker than anything else.

Stimulate that Clit

First, understand masturbation, like most things, is different for everybody. What feels good for me, might not do the trick for you. My friend’s water trick mentioned above… It doesn’t do a damn thing for me. So you need to play around. See what feels good. Experiment. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Begin touching yourself with a figure eight. Take one or two fingers and trace a figure eight around your vulva. Start at the side of your clit, go up and around the hood, then cross back over, and run your fingers around the bottom of your vaginal opening. Continue the pattern, modifying where you see fit.

Try different pressures, speeds, directions. Make pit stops. Run a few circles around your clit, dip a finger into your pussy, again, do whatever feels good.

Spread your lips. Take your pointer and index fingers and use them to spread your outer lips apart. Use your middle finger to play with your clit. Rub it back and forth. Do circles over it. I once read that more women use a circular motion to cum than any other movement, specifically a clockwise circle (if you’re looking down at your pussy).

This position also makes it nice and easy to take your middle finger and insert it. Pull up some of those juices to keep your clit lubricated and slippery.

Then give them a gentle tug. The clitoris isn’t the tiny little nub sticking out from its hiding place. No, that’s just her tip. The whole organ is much, MUCH bigger. It actually travels all the way to the vaginal lips, where you will also find the bulb of vestibule, two sensitive sacks beneath your labia.

Almost think of these as equivalent to male testicles. They may not be the pleasure center that the glans is, but they sure do feel good when given a little love. So touch them. Maybe a gentle tug. Or even a massage. And see what kind of sensations you can create.

Don’t ignore the hood. Many women find pleasure when they play with the hood of their clit, so give it a try. Put your fingers on the skin surrounding your clit (sometimes, especially depending on arousal, it may be hard to do this because the clit engorges, swelling up past the skin), and rub your fingers lightly back and forth, making the skin massage your clit. Imagine that you’re stroking it.

This is really useful if your clit is extra sensitive, as it takes away the direct pressure.

And then the Vagina

When it comes to vaginal stimulation during female masturbation, not everyone goes there. Me, I do about 25% of the time. I like to use two fingers, sometimes even three.

Make sure that your nails are short and smooth or you may cause yourself some pain. Start with one finger and play, pushing it in and out of you pussy. Depending on how that feels, add another or two. Or three.

You can also press the heel of your hand against your clit and kind of grind on it while your fingers play. You’ll need to find what works for you. Some like an in-and-out motion, others like to move their fingers only on the inside, touching the vaginal walls.

You can also try some G-spot stimulation. While touching your vaginal walls, massage the front wall, about two to three inches in (give or take in either direction). Think of it as trying to touch the back of your clit.

As you become excited, you’ll feel an area that feels a little different–kind of like it has ridges on it. That’s your G-Spot. Massage it, trying different pressures. It may become harder and that’s a good thing. Continue to touch it. If you relax and are really enjoying it, this can even bring on female ejaculation.

Turn to the Toys

No talk of female masturbation would be complete without a brief discussion on sex toys. Depending on what toys you have, you can use any of the above techniques with a vibrator or dildo. Just be sure if you’re masturbating in the tub, you use one that’s waterproof.

You can also find vibrators for you clit, ones for penetration, some specially designed to hit your G-Spot, and some that do all of that and more. Play around. Find what works for you.

A word of caution, especially for those new to masturbating. A vibrator can make you cum much quick and harder than manual stimulation. That’s fine. Pretty amazing, really. But don’t solely rely on vibrations to get you off. Some women who only use a vibrator get to the point where they must have it to cum, as it actually desensitizes the nerve endings.

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t ever want to have my pussy desensitized.

Final Thoughts

Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to masturbate. Everyone likes different things. Many women add different props (pillows, bath tubs, electric toothbrushes…), use different positions, touch themselves in different places and in different ways.

Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t feel guilty. Remember, it’s about your self pleasure and self love.

If you are just learning, take it slow. Don’t try to get off, just do it to feel good. When you’re learning how to touch and what works, it may take some time to figure out how to bring yourself to climax. Don’t stress about it. Just take the pleasure and keep on practicing!

There are so many benefits to masturbation, other than the obvious one of pleasure. Masturbation helps you to get to know your body. It can improve your sleep. Temporarily lower your pain level. And reduce stress.

Self-awareness, less pain, more sleep, and stress reduction… Who doesn’t want that?

In my opinion, the best part of masturbating isn’t the pleasure, it’s learning what turns you on and how you like to be touched. And applying that when I’m loving on myself. And being able to pass that information on to my lover, who then knows exactly what I like.

Check out my newsletter to stay up-to-date with my newest blog posts and sex guides!

I’m a professional writer, although I don’t often act like it. I like to talk about sex and guns, but I try to keep them out of the same conversation.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store